Postcard from Hayling

[Sven]

Hi Gran,

Many thanks for recommending Hayling Island to me as a holiday destination; I’m having a great time.

The Island is even better than you described it; they must have made a lot of improvements since you were last here 20 years ago.

The beaches are now covered with shingle which prevents all that nasty sand underneath it from getting into your sandals.

It’s now also very quick to get from one side of the Island to the other as they have abolished all the speed limits along Southwood Road and The Sea Front.

They have also abolished gambling and all the arcades along Creek Road are now boarded up; in fact everything on Creek Road is now boarded up so goodbye to that den of inequity.

The entertainment on Hayling Island has also improved and they have firework displays almost every night.

They even have a Grand Prix every Saturday night. The Fiestas always win but I don’t trust those cars, they must have faulty wiring or something because I often see them burnt out the very next day.

They’ve also built lots of lovely new flats complete with balconies and sea views. I thought they were out of my price range at first but I’ve met several people from Reading who now live here and they say that they get them for free.

The Island is prospering so much that even the Vicar has bought a great big white stretch limo. I know this because it’s parked outside his church every day.

I must go now and try out the new skateboard park at Eaststoke Corner.

Wish you were here,

Your loving Grandson.

P.S. I had a cold the first few days I was here but the local Chemist was most helpful and gave me directions to Havant where I could buy some Lemsip.

[puddy]

Oh Sven. Haven't we got enough doom and gloom? I think all the stuff you mention have a thread each.

[divvybird]

Originally Posted by Sven

Hi Gran,

Many thanks for recommending Hayling Island to me as a holiday destination; I’m having a great time.

The Island is even better than you described it; they must have made a lot of improvements since you were last here 20 years ago.

The beaches are now covered with shingle which prevents all that nasty sand underneath it from getting into your sandals.

It’s now also very quick to get from one side of the Island to the other as they have abolished all the speed limits along Southwood Road and The Sea Front.

They have also abolished gambling and all the arcades along Creek Road are now boarded up; in fact everything on Creek Road is now boarded up so goodbye to that den of inequity.

The entertainment on Hayling Island has also improved and they have firework displays almost every night.

They even have a Grand Prix every Saturday night. The Fiestas always win but I don’t trust those cars, they must have faulty wiring or something because I often see them burnt out the very next day.

They’ve also built lots of lovely new flats complete with balconies and sea views. I thought they were out of my price range at first but I’ve met several people from Reading who now live here and they say that they get them for free.

The Island is prospering so much that even the Vicar has bought a great big white stretch limo. I know this because it’s parked outside his church every day.

I must go now and try out the new skateboard park at Eaststoke Corner.

Wish you were here,

Your loving Grandson.

P.S. I had a cold the first few days I was here but the local Chemist was most helpful and gave me directions to Havant where I could buy some Lemsip.

[gambit]

That paint's a terrific picture!

[puddy]

Well - it IS on the jokes thread!

[gambit]

Thats ok then!!!!!!!

[Spacey]

Dear Grandson, my reply is 'inline' to yours..'

Hi Gran,

Many thanks for recommending Hayling Island to me as a holiday destination; I’m having a great time.

The Island is even better than you described it; they must have made a lot of improvements since you were last here 20 years ago.

The beaches are now covered with shingle which prevents all that nasty sand underneath it from getting into your sandals.
[Granny] That was done cos you kept getting sand in your grundies & moaning... i see you have'nt changed then...

It’s now also very quick to get from one side of the Island to the other as they have abolished all the speed limits along Southwood Road and The Sea Front.
[Granny] I see you've still not learnt how to read then - those signs with a red-circle around them & numbers in the middle are there to give you a good idea of how fast you should drive...

They have also abolished gambling and all the arcades along Creek Road are now boarded up; in fact everything on Creek Road is now boarded up so goodbye to that den of inequity.
[Granny] well, me & yer mum did get sick of you saying 'can i have a pound please', plus we bought you an Xbox360, PS3, Wii - and you've still got the trots & spouting ****

The entertainment on Hayling Island has also improved and they have firework displays almost every night.
[Granny] call NHS Direct - they'll help you give up smoking & it'll stop you burning all those sofa's with flying fag-ends...

They even have a Grand Prix every Saturday night. The Fiestas always win but I don’t trust those cars, they must have faulty wiring or something because I often see them burnt out the very next day.
[Granny] I've told you more than once - stop trying to fix cars - you're rubbish at cars.. stick to your scalextrix - oooh, other slot-car systems are available, are'nt they?

They’ve also built lots of lovely new flats complete with balconies and sea views. I thought they were out of my price range at first but I’ve met several people from Reading who now live here and they say that they get them for free.
[Granny] That'll be cos the ppl from Reading swap 'em.. perhaps you might like to do a swap & move to Reading - seeing as you complain so much about how rubbish Hayling is?

The Island is prospering so much that even the Vicar has bought a great big white stretch limo. I know this because it’s parked outside his church every day.
[Granny] perhaps the vicar charges parking fees? - how else could he pay for all the Vino for you to get drunk on & spout blod as a result?

I must go now and try out the new skateboard park at Eaststoke Corner.
[Granny] Break a leg....

Wish you were here,
[Granny] Shame you are there & whining about it...

Your loving Grandson.
[Granny] oh, we are related then... oh well... I'll call my old friend Albert, and get him to check his 'theory of relativity' again...

P.S. I had a cold the first few days I was here but the local Chemist was most helpful and gave me directions to Havant where I could buy some Lemsip.
[Granny] it's only Man-flu, get over it & yourself....

[Roisin]

Sven,

Is life still bad with you over there, sweetheart?

Roshy

[rosemary]

Originally Posted by TheOriginalSpacedCadet

Dear Grandson, my reply is 'inline' to yours..'

Hi Gran,

Many thanks for recommending Hayling Island to me as a holiday destination; I’m having a great time.

The Island is even better than you described it; they must have made a lot of improvements since you were last here 20 years ago.

The beaches are now covered with shingle which prevents all that nasty sand underneath it from getting into your sandals.
[Granny] That was done cos you kept getting sand in your grundies & moaning... i see you have'nt changed then...

It’s now also very quick to get from one side of the Island to the other as they have abolished all the speed limits along Southwood Road and The Sea Front.
[Granny] I see you've still not learnt how to read then - those signs with a red-circle around them & numbers in the middle are there to give you a good idea of how fast you should drive...

They have also abolished gambling and all the arcades along Creek Road are now boarded up; in fact everything on Creek Road is now boarded up so goodbye to that den of inequity.
[Granny] well, me & yer mum did get sick of you saying 'can i have a pound please', plus we bought you an Xbox360, PS3, Wii - and you've still got the trots & spouting ****

The entertainment on Hayling Island has also improved and they have firework displays almost every night.
[Granny] call NHS Direct - they'll help you give up smoking & it'll stop you burning all those sofa's with flying fag-ends...

They even have a Grand Prix every Saturday night. The Fiestas always win but I don’t trust those cars, they must have faulty wiring or something because I often see them burnt out the very next day.
[Granny] I've told you more than once - stop trying to fix cars - you're rubbish at cars.. stick to your scalextrix - oooh, other slot-car systems are available, are'nt they?

They’ve also built lots of lovely new flats complete with balconies and sea views. I thought they were out of my price range at first but I’ve met several people from Reading who now live here and they say that they get them for free.
[Granny] That'll be cos the ppl from Reading swap 'em.. perhaps you might like to do a swap & move to Reading - seeing as you complain so much about how rubbish Hayling is?

The Island is prospering so much that even the Vicar has bought a great big white stretch limo. I know this because it’s parked outside his church every day.
[Granny] perhaps the vicar charges parking fees? - how else could he pay for all the Vino for you to get drunk on & spout blod as a result?

I must go now and try out the new skateboard park at Eaststoke Corner.
[Granny] Break a leg....

Wish you were here,
[Granny] Shame you are there & whining about it...

Your loving Grandson.
[Granny] oh, we are related then... oh well... I'll call my old friend Albert, and get him to check his 'theory of relativity' again...

P.S. I had a cold the first few days I was here but the local Chemist was most helpful and gave me directions to Havant where I could buy some Lemsip.
[Granny] it's only Man-flu, get over it & yourself....

tried to rep you spacey but have been spending the day being nice to people who I care about sorry hun
IOU rep

[Murph]

Rep for Spacey.

And by the way Sven, it's "den of iniquity", not "den of inequity".